THE SUICIDE WATCH: WHO SHOULD DISLOYAL UNPATRIOTIC AMERICANS INTERESTED IN UNSEATING THE IMPEACHED ONE VOTE FOR IN THE SUPER THURSDAY * PRIMARIES TOMORROW?
* Compliments of a Joe Biden malapropismo
No responsible pundit would hazard a guess about Michigan and the other Democratic races. It is wise for a pundit to punt. As a leader of the irresponsible wing of the punditocracy, however, I am going out on the limb voting for NONE OF THE ABOVE.
The president’s worst fear about the November election, the word is, that he will be facing Sleepy Joe Biden, a man who President Four More Years says “doesn’t even know what office he’s running for.”
Sleepy Joe’s major defect, I gather, is his close association with Obama, who is being blamed by POTUS for everything that has gone wrong since 2017; any day now, the virus thing will be Obama’s fault.
Here’s the deal with Burisma Joe Biden. He made a mistake not telling the whole Burisma story when it became President Plump’s perfect paranoid obsession. Especially since there may have been less there than meets the ear.
Kids these days! he could have argued. Young Biden couldn’t be any more corrupt than the whole White House family running around the world making deals that violate the emolument clause.
I knew the early Joe Biden as the Senator from Master Card, not to mention Visa and all the credit card companies taking advantage of Delaware’s favorable corporate tax laws. Big Money liked Joe .
In the 2020 debates, he was a wake-him –up- when- it- was- over school orator. It was as if he had died and the DNC bosses were afraid to tell us. As the debates dragged on, his future looked more like a reverse mortgage salesman on TV than someone who could beat Trump in November
Here’s the deal about Sleepy Joe. He’s a nicer guy than his opponent.
BERN, BABY, BERN
It didn’t look good for Biden, now that the Russians were supporting Bernie Sanders for president in 2020.
Boss Putin and the Kremlin machine are undefeated in USA elections. In 2016, their boy won despite getting 3 million less votes, an achievement that sounded so typical of Russian democracy.
It’s not fair having the Rooskies support any candidate this time. The Democrats don’t need any help in self-destructing, judging by the way they are picking the person who will equal McGovern against Nixon in 1972.
Besides Putin and the Amerikanski desk in the Politburo, the other group supporting Bernie: millennials love him.
And why shouldn’t they? Millennials love getting things free. Who wouldn’t want free college, free health care? Bernie’s got a hell of a program with things like Medicare For All and free tuition. It’s great, as long as you don’t understand accounting.
Bernie’s promising millennials a revolution. It sounds good, providing all those young people who are ready to mount the barricades actually show up to vote. They didn’t on Super Tuesday I.
Maybe their support is in ghosting, millennials’ second favorite activity, next to taking Selfies and buying new phones.
Bernie is also the loudest in the race. He gives some people a headache. They also worry about his health as he gives those red-faced rants with the finger, his version of William Jennings Bryan’s “Cross of Gold” speeches.
The man most likely, if elected, to turn the Democratic Party into the British Labour Party, also has a problem with his political orientation.
I can see the Republican Party’s six word TV commercials during the campaign:
WOULD YOU VOTE FOR A SOCIALIST?
Followed the next news cycle by:
WOULD YOU VOTE FOR A JEWISH SOCIALIST?
WOULD YOU VOTE FOR AN OLD JEWISH SOCALIST WITH A HEART CONDITION
I better stop this prize-winning commentary because it’s depressing even myself.
Whatever happens in the six primaries on Super Tuesday II, I further predict neither NONE OF THE ABOVE will have enough delegates to claim the nomination at the July Democratic National Convention in Milwaukee
A convention, you should know, is a cross between a fair and square election process and the great American tradition of selecting a candidate in smoke-filled back rooms before the start of a brokered convention, where the pick of the bosses and super-delegates is duly nominated.
The idea is to avoid a potential102 ballots, as in the 1924 Democratic Convention between Al Smith and William G. McAdoo, a battle between “the wets” and “drys” over 16 days before a dark horse compromise candidate (John W. Davis) won on the 103rd ballot, losing miserably in the general election to Calvin Coolidge.
Traditionally, the establishment bosses and superdelegates select a personage not a revolutionary who might scare the electorate. Bernie is scary.
What we will see in denying Bernie and his supporters in Milwaukee 2020 will be Chicago 1968. It won’t be pretty.
I have a suggestion for a dark horse compromise candidate who will save the Democrats from 1924 or 1968 and beat Trump like a drum.
NEXT: IT’S DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN.
Marvin Kitman, Fifth Columnist
March 9, 2020