DUE TO PRODUCTION DIFFICULTIES IN REPLACING EMAIL CARRIER THE WRONG DRAFT OF ARTICLE VIII WAS MISTAKENLY POSTED ON WEDNESDAY. THE CORRECT VERSION IS BELOW. THE PUNDIT-IN-CHIEF APOLOGIZES.
Statement by a Television Witness Whose Testimony Was Not Allowed to Be Heard
Fellow Senators and Representatives,
My verdict is: Not Guilty!
I reached that conclusion on Day One of the Senate Impeachment Trial, that partisan hoax, scam, FAKE, the greatest witch-hunt of all time, brought by Democratic Marxists in the House.
These traitors, led by Crazy Nancy and Shifty Schiff, who have seized control of the House of Representatives, one of the president’s two favorite branches of the Legislature, had adopted two articles of impeachment, a ridiculous exercise in futility, as the president’s legal team dismissed it nine or ten times in opening arguments. There was no crime, no nothing in that perfect phone call in the Ukrainian thing, as has been argued on Fox News, the president’s cable news network of record.
Like the 100 members of the Senate, I took the Hypocrite’s Oath, administered by the Chief Justice, swearing impartiality, as well as the Pundit Code of Honor adhered to when pundits take the job of calling them as they see them.
True, I had my doubts until Mitch “I’m Taking My Orders From the President” McConnell began his opening arguments in the debate on the rules, outlining the necessity for not hearing the administration eyewitnesses who had been blocked from testifying during the House investigation by the President. It was a speech that thrilled members of the Trappist Monastery see and hear no evil wing of the Republican Party, taking the vow to silence, or what Mafia members call auditory omerta.
My period of reflection on the facts ended with Tucker Carlson certifying the proceedings I had been watching non-stop Day One as just the latest attempt to undermine the election of 2016. He was later seconded by Hannity. The charges of abuse of power and obstruction of Congress were laughable, according to those powerful opinionators.
Now I have gone out on the limb before in these Trumponicles, for example, predicting that President Plump would be the worse president in the last hundred years of American political history.
Now I am going out on that limb with a power saw in hand by further predicting the best president we have will be EXONERATED!
At the risk of seeming to break my arm patting myself on the back, this one will rank with my 40 GREATEST Hits in predictions, along with the projection he would set the record for a president telling the most lies in the first three years and a half years in office (16,241, according to the latest count by the most trusted name in fake news, the Washington Post).
How could I be so smart?
Suffice it to say in all modesty here, it’s a gift.
My seeming lucky guesses are based on facts. If His Orangeness dreamed possible that Moscow Mitch — I’m sorry, Mister Republican doesn’t like that nickname — Kamchatka Mitch didn’t have the 52 other silent GOP cowards in his pocket, there would have been a major distraction to take our minds off the Senate trial.
Our POTUS is the Werner von Braun of creating weapons of mass distraction (WMD’s). He might have declared a national emergency because of a security threat at our unprotected Canadian border caused by the Harry and Meghan infiltration, or stunning his generals again with the illegal assassination of a foreign leader who forgot to duck.
Instead he chose to ignore the opening episodes of the ridiculous farce in the Senate and went off to ski with the big money crowd in Switzerland.
With all the sophistry of the president’s TV legal beagles, like The Dersh and Ken Super Starr, a bench that could have been enhanced by including Judge Judy, I predict the wronged chief executive might sue Deranged Nancy and the other 234 members of her partisan gang for defamation of character. Of course, sitting legislators can’t be sued. As the Senate will have proved before this charade hoax is all over, Donald J. Trump is above the law.
I rest my case.
MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA
GOD HELP THE REPUBLIC
BREAKING NEWS… This just in…
AIR=FORTRESS ONE just radioed in on X-Band to all citizens of this here United States (on Land or Sea)
Leaving Davos now. STOP Arriving Andrews AFB. STOP Return to Capitol AM. Cease Debate Hoax Impeachment Trial. Please STOP At Once. Henceforth, all actions by the President starting January 2016 to the present are classified “TOP SECRET” Senate Trial ended by Executive Order Vote Immediate Acquittal. Full STOP s/Donald John Trump
Jan. 22, 2020 (Revised, Jan. 25)