The Chicken Dancers

While the President mounts the dung hill that is the current Republican party, an over-enthusiastic yellow-haired rooster, crowing over the passage of what he called “a middle class tax bill,” and his loyal minority voters join him doing The Chicken Dance, like a bunch of dumb clucks, one honor has eluded our commander-in-chief, the best we have… The Trumponicles resume today, with an examination of the latest outrage perpetuated against him.

Dueling fake Time magazine covers.

Those folks at Time Inc. really know how to hurt a guy.

Can you imagine the man of the year—or woman or transgender, whatever you want to call the award Time magazine has been handing out for 90 years--and that lucky person is not President Obvious Choice!

Without meaning to speak ill of the dead, Donald Trump is the Rodney Dangerfield of presidents.

What does a man have to do to get respect, anyway?

By my count, he beat out runner up, Harvey Weinstein, whose greatest achievement was knocking the president and his Twitter feed off the front pages, if briefly.

Adding salt to the wound, Time gave journalism’s highest honor in the Dec. 6 issue to what it called “The Silence Breakers,” a group of women who have shared their stories about sexual assault and harassment in 2017. None of that would have been possible without the smoking “Hollywood Access” tape that established Trump as the groper-in-chief.

With all due modesty, President Only Seven More Years said he turned down the coveted Time magazine cover bauble. The problem, as he explained in all humility, they wanted to interview him. They might ask him about…what-- that Russian thing?”

No collusion. No obstruction of justice. Investigate Horrible Hillary. What more did they need to know?

For its part, to be fair, Time disputed the president’s background story that he would “ probably be given the title,” as he explained on Twitter.

“Time does not comment on our choice until publication,” a spokeswoman told CNN.

But what do you expect from a Henry Luce news organ that spent decades giving us all the fake news about Chiang Kai-Shek being ready to retake the Mainland of China with his Nationalist troops all in their 80’s?

I realize I must sound like an apologist for our president, the only one we have. But there is a mitigating fact to keep in mind in our rush to judgment.

Robin Williams once said, “God gave men two heads but not enough blood flow that they could work together.”

In his first year in office, the president often seemed to be suffering acute blood shortage. As a result of this anemia, our most inexperienced, unqualified leader in USA, USA (Est. 1789) history often seemed to be an ignoranus.

George W. Bush called himself the world’s greatest over-achiever. But that dope was Albert Einstein compared to our POTUS.

Donald J. Trump, I’m proud to say, is a source of inspiration for all the mentally-challenged voters who still believe in his campaign speeches he was “for the people,” not realizing he meant “the rich people.”

Before I go on with this encomium I just want to explain his confusion about the tax bill he is crowing about. Like many of the Republicans who passed the bill, he probably only read part of the 596 page legislation on his Twitter feed, the part about benefits for his family’s fortune.

Among his other achievements Time magazine’s headhunters ignored:

First Republican president ever to have warm relations with our traditional hostile enemy, and not be accused of being a crypto-communist by the Republican Party.
First Republican president ever to balance the budget by adding two or three trillion to the deficit with a tax cut for the rich. How will he do that? By having two sets of books, as Ronald Reagan did.
First president to make the people shrug off the fact that he is lying all the time. He will go down in history with Nathan Hale who actually may have said, “I have only one lie to give to my country.”

And leave us not ignore the fact that nukes did not hit LA or Bedminster, N.J. in 2017, despite the president’s bungling negotiations with a little fat rocket man.

As I was saying, Time magazine really blew it by showing a biased Dangerfield-ish disrespect for the maniac who will be commanding us in the coming war with (fill in nuclear power of choice).

So let us all do The Chicken Dance in honor of our leader who in 2017 most made the nation seem like a chicken with its head cut off:

Make a chicken beak with your hand… clap three times…

Follow @MarvinKitman

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Marvin Kitman,
Dec. 26, 2017

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.