A Patriot Talks to His President, Citizen to Citizen

Are you tired of all the winning yet?

Citizen Trump,

Can we talk?

Excuse me for being so bold. As a man who has had nothing but good to write about you, regardless of what the fact-checkers might say, I have a modest proposal.

I realize this is a lot to ask. It may be virtually impossible, like asking a chimpanzee to write Twitter messages equal to yours. The CAPS would throw them, even the ones who put in room with a keyboard, and you give them enough time, could write Shakespeare’s plays, or at least a sonnet.

And I am aware it might make your hair stand up straight and whistle “Dixie,” as we used to say in our old neighborhood.

But I’m asking anyway.

The mission impossible, and I might as well blurt it right out, risk your taking umbrage, my modest proposal is asking you to tell the truth.

Not what you called it in “The Art of the Deal”: “truthful hyperbole” or “innocent exaggeration.”

Not the truth you delivered on the stump as a presidential candidate, of which PolitiFact evaluated more than 500 assertions and found 69% of them mostly false, false, or “pants on fire” false.

Not what the Washington Post truth-seekers documented 2,140 false or misleading claims in your first year in office. Mathematicians will tell you that is a rate of nearly six a day, many of them repeated even after you were corrected.

Personally, I think they were bending over backwards to be kind. They shortchanged you, as is the fake news practice.

Not the truth as you see it. Or even the truth buried amidst the tangle of your golden curls.

I’m talking about the plain truth, the whole truth, so help you God, Mammon, or whoever is the holy of holies for a real estate gonif.

What I’m proposing is you’re telling our fellow citizens the real truth about “this Russian thing,” not the hoax cooked up by the FBI and Crooked Hillary about so-called collusion with the Commie Red rats.

As our commander –in-chief, and leader of the no-collusionist wing of the White House, we patriots have no reason to doubt your denials.

Even though there was no collusion, as you have often said, according to my notes, what could you possibly been colluding about? That’s what average Americans in the street want to know?

The reason I am suggesting this difficult course of action in stooping to tell the truth—the last refuge of scoundrels, according to the late therapist, Dr. Donald Kaplan—because denials aren’t what they used to be.

Everybody knows today that denial is a river in Egypt.

Anybody can deny anything on TV news. Buzzers do not go off. A channel does not go to dark, alerting the viewer attention must be paid.

No matter how many times you write on Twitter

Nyet collusion

It still sounds like you’re hiding something.

As one of your fans, Chris Matthews said on “Hardball” (MSNBC) the other night, “What could possibly be so damned bad that he’s hiding?

There may or may not have been collusion. Not that you had anything to do with it. Those clowns, The Gang That couldn’t Loot Straight, did it. Whatever it was.

And then we all can get back to the really important news: The Stormy Daniels Trial of the Century.

As your admirer Chris Matthews would ask after delivering the longest preamble to a question in the history of telecommunications,

“Your thoughts?”

God Save the Republic!


Citizen Marvin Kitman,
March 20, 2018

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.