All The President’s Liars

Trump Lies

From purple mountains majesties, above the fruited plains, amid amber waves of grain, thine alabaster cities gleam, from sea to shining sea, across the nation, some people are saying about the verdict in the Cohen trial, “So what?”

So what if the president’s fixer said he was instructed by the boss to pay hush money to the porn star Stormy Daniels, and the Playboy calendar gal what’s her name, and others in the possible cast of thousands who might sully the First Fornicator’s good name in the run for the roses, the presidency of the greatest democracy in world history?

So what if such actions violated Federal statutes? You can look up the legal language yourself in Google. Suffice it to say here, it was a no-no.

Not everybody, of course, suffers from a lack of moral outrage. I’m talking about the 34.9%, the base for whom the unindicted- co-conspirator-in-chief can do no wrong, the folks he had in mind when he said he could shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue and they’d still vote for him.

The sequacious minority, the intellectually servile, who gave us a President of Some of the People All the Time, the man who for two years has been calling the investigations into what we thought was the usual fair and square election a hoax, a scam, a witch hunt (with him as the witch)!

Any idiot could see their man has done nothing wrong. Not strictly true. I’m referring only to the idiots in the base. It includes morons and imbeciles, too. And not all of them, either; Maybe 98.4%.

Whatever you want to call it, the rise and fall of the Cohen Empire is shaping up as the morality play of the year, if not the century.

Nearing the possible end of the long walk down the plank, on a bed of banana peels, strewn by the justice system, the president has chosen the high moral ground dealing with the uncomfortable situation.

Two legal strategies emerged on the Official Twitter page the morning after:

  1. Cohen is lying. Besides, he hardly knew him, having only employed him for 10 years. What was his name again, as Jeffrey Toobin hypothesized on CNN—Mitchell Cohen?
  2. The criminal thing he is said to have been a co-conspirator in is no crime.

Paying off a porn star to keep her mouth shut so God –fearing Evangelicals could vote for him in good conscience is just politics, whatever. Nothing to get your knickers twisted over.

And furthermore— as he sat down by dawn’s early light on the White House patio the day after for the first interview with my favorite satirical cable news network, Fox News, the closest we have to a confessional box— why hasn’t his Attorney General done the right thing and stopped bugging him with all these silly investigations into collusion which are preventing him from making America great again? There is nyet collusion!

You could almost hear those immortal words coming from the So What constituency, like a Greek Chorus, “Lock him up.” At least I could.

To prove his case, even before the Melvin or Mervin Cohen trial ended, the president’s current top legal beagle #12 (the others quit for their own reasons, including the fear of not being paid for services)—Rudy Giuliani made the rounds of the Sunday intellectual ghetto shows expounding a novel concept in jurisprudence.

As America’s lawyer told Chuck Todd on “Meet the Press,” “Truth isn’t truth.” What he meant, as I gather by dismissing the old standard of objective reality, is that truth is subjective. No longer is it true, to paraphrase Gertrude Stein, a lie is a lie is a lie.

Let us apply the Truth Fairy’s “Truth isn’t truth” mantra to the former U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York’s greatest achievements in the law. He won laurels, for example, putting away John Gotti. By his current reasoning, accordingly the Federal government can be sued by Getty’s widow and Gotti Junior for false imprisonment and get a posthumorous pardon, revocation, vacating the conviction, thereof, whatever.

Surely, there must be somewhere in the legal profession’s code of ethics a statute limiting the number of appearances a member of the bar is allowed to make on cable TV news before facing disbarment proceedings. Or there should be.

But I digress.

If a person from outer space happened to land on our shining shores this week and happened to be watching the Mondo Bizarro real world of so-called fake news—before being arrested and deported as an alien by the president’s Space Commando P.D.— he or she or transgender might conclude we are a nation of liars. Moral outrage today is so1970’s!

If Trump, as it is widely believed by the So What’s in our midst, could just run the country the way Stalin did, or his spiritual heir Putin is doing, it would be much easier to make Amerika great again.



Marvin Kitman,
August 23, 2018

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.