The President Knows The Finest People

I’m not a legal scholar; I only write like one in these Trumponicles.

Nevertheless, it sounds to me that the nominee for the last open seat in the highest court of the land, currently being debated in the Congress, may not be as pure as the driven slush, the medium we use to judge moral character with all the breathtaking corruption in these last days of the greatest democracy ever invented.

In judging the nominee’s moral bonafides, our President of Some of the People All the Time has attested that his selection is “one of the finest people I’ve ever known.” Not only that, he is “without a single blemish on his record.”

There may have been something missing in his resume.

In the inspiring story of a prep school boy who dreamed of being a Supreme Court justice when he grew up some day, if we believe the research psychologist in Northern California, it turned out the DC Appeals Court magistrate neglected to mention he was guilty of sexual misbehavior in his teen age years. Or not.

The head of the Judiciary Committee in charge of rubber-stamping the selection believes the professor making the alleged charges may be mistaken. It was dark.

It could have been some other teenage dork who got all likkered up and nailed the 15-year old girl with some unspecified heavy groping in the dark room behind a locked door with his best bud looking on, as alleged.

If history tends to repeat itself, like a good glass of beer, there might well be other accusations of thuggish conduct unbecoming a teen age werewolf- in-training who was in the habit of packing away the brewskis while relieving the tension of being at one of the nation’s prestigious prep schools (Georgetown). Legal scholars like myself understand why there was such a such a rush to fill the Judge Scalia Seat, a rather large one, more a love seat or small couch than a chair, given his girth, vacant since February 2016.

Soon the fake news might be telling us the judge, squeaky-clean champion of family values, girls’ basketball coach, and other conservative Republican verities, a veritable altar boy, even smoked pot.

Very little, however, is being said about the altar boy jurist’s gambling addiction. Betting on baseball games—even among friends, as the baseball crazy judge claims, can be habit-forming, and lead to deficit spending. Apparently, not only had the judge maxed out his Bank of America card, but two others in his plastic card portfolio, and also a personal line of credit—twice.

None of which prevented him from buying four season baseball seats each year from 2005 to 2017. He still managed to scrape up $91,000 for a country club membership, all on a D.C. appeal court judge’s salary ($220,650)! The president, who is an expert on escaping debtors’ prison (four bankruptcies, and nine failing brands before improving his financial picture as president) can get further details about his nominee’s perilous financial condition in Mother Jones.

The president and his nominee dujour — he claims to have 24 other equally clean candidates up his sleeve— seem to share one trait. As POTUS acknowledges in the latest Woodward book (“Fear”), he “has had some bad behavior towards women.”

By that he might mean the 14 cases of women accusing him of groping.

Our president suffers from what legally is known as habeas gropus, a condition causing unwanted groping activity. I leave it to Krafft & Ebbing to fill you in on the medical details. Suffice it to say here, it is like Tourette’s syndrome, which makes the president lie so frequently, e.g., every time his mouth is open.

We are lucky he did not grope Angela Merkel at the last NATO meeting, as far as we know.

But I digress. What the president most admires in his nominee is his legal theories. His favorite is the one that states a sitting president should be free from prosecution while serving in office. Having to deal with due process would be distracting to a president’s golf game or visits to summer white houses in Florida and New Jersey and other properties still not divested (Of the first 608 days in office, according to NBC News, POTUS spent 199 days at Trump country clubs and 154 days at Trump golf properties).

We may yet find out where the latest associate justice stands on the issue of a president self-pardoning himself even before he is charged with any wrong doing.

My guess is that by the time you read this the party of Lincoln, the car, the tunnel and controller of Congress will have done its work. Further discussion is moot. The president will be declaring his choice the greatest success since Oliver Wendell Holmes.

As a friend of the court, I would only have suggested the new appointee be required to attend sexual abuse counseling classes, chaired by Justice Clarence Thomas. And 120 days of community service.

Look, I say to all my all my readers who object to the president of Some of the People All the Time making a mockery of our highest court in the land: He could have picked Judge Moore of Alabama or Joe Arpaio, the Maricopa County Sheriff.



Marvin Kitman,
Sept. 20, 2018

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history.