Musket Ban Alert
Dear Fellow Patriots:
Good news. Your Justaminutemen board of governors has decided to register as a lobby, and lobby against the banning of muskets.
As you know, our second amendment guarantees a citizen’s right to bear muskets.
At the time of the amendment’s passage in 1791, the musket was a citizens’ weapon of choice. Next to a small keg of black powder, carried under the arms, a dangerous practice in the days when a person might run into an electric spark from Dr. Franklin’s kite fliers.
Strict Constitutionalists, your Justaminutemen strongly deplore any infringement of the people’s right to bear muskets. Also flints and ramrods.
The number of musket bearing homes in the country today has reached an all-time low, according to the latest surveys. The Founding Fathers would be appalled at the extent of unpreparedness.
The Justaminutemen believe a musket is enough firepower to protect the average American home today, as in the past, to guard against deer eating our azalea and rhododendron bushes, the annoying scribble scrabble of squirrels playing with their nuts, and other disturbers of domestic tranquility, such as French Canadians crossing our unprotected borders. (Not to mention aliens from Outer Space, a threat which many gun owners take seriously. Latest census figures show that a high percentage of aliens live in LA. So it’s a state, rather than a national issue.)
The production of muskets and their accoutrements including ramrods, flints and ammo, currently next to zero, would be a boon to arms companies, who may be worried about declining sales, resulting from current craze for the limitation or banning more high-powered weaponry. A musket in every home or pick up truck is a potent sales tool.
Even the most liberal anti-gun fanatics have never come out against muskets, nor would they have a Constitutional leg to stand on.
The current debate about new anti-gun legislation makes your Justaminutemen lobbyists wonder if some of us aren’t shooting our mouths off when we say the founding fathers couldn’t possibly have meant the second amendment guaranteed the right to bear Bushmasters and 150- round magazines or even used Scud missiles, as some of our more paranoids fear. As Constitutional scholar, Prof. Richard B. Bernstein of CCNY argues, “that’s like saying the Founders could not have anticipated the Phaser rifle. Of course they couldn’t. They hadn’t seen ‘Star Trek.’”
The second troubling issue your Justaminutemen will be lobbying against is those who say the second amendment is about the freedom to resist the power of the government. The enemy, the right wing nuts say, is us. We the people need high-powered weaponry to protect us from our government.
This is silly. They’ve got nukes they could use on people bearing arms. They’ve got tanks, B-52 bombers. They can outgun us.
The other argument the other gun lobby is going off half-cocked about is its opposition to national database. A way to identify possible crazies amongst us is seen as a plot to take our guns away. How wild and crazy can you get?
All of these ideas are just plain incredible. “It’s the kind of thinking about a conspiratorial Washington,” explained Prof. Bernstein “that resembles ‘X-Files’ scripts. Any political argument that resembles ‘ X Files’ shows, a priori, can not be taken seriously.”
The right wing nuts that nurse such worries about the second amendment, counsels Prof. Bernstein, should watch the film “2001.” It includes the memorable scene of a right wing nut spelling out his conspiratorial theory of government, a scenario ending with the line: “Ed, I think you should sit down and take a stress pill.”
Our lobby is dedicated to the principle that we have nothing to fear, except fear itself. Which is quite a lot when Justaminutemen come to think of it.
For fellow patriotic Americans who are considering joining the Justaminutemen action protest movement, a basic tenet of the organization, as the preamble to our Constitution reads:
Hold on. Mediate. Think it over.
Earlier inflammatory pamphlets on important issues available from Justaminutemen on request.