A JUSTAMINUTEMEN EMERGENCY BULLETIN
Dear Attorney General Barr, sir:
We of the Justaminutemen organization salute your dedication to law and order. Not since John Mitchell in the Nixon Administration have we had an AG so enamored of the rule of law.
We especially appreciate the attention you are giving to the problem of voter fraud.
It was great the way you cracked the case of the ballots thrown away in Pennsylvania. True, it was only nine of the six million expected to be cast in the Keystone State on Election Day, and they were immediately tracked down and counted by election officials. But nine is nine too many in a fair and free election.
We admire your guts in making the highly unusual suggestion of invoking sedition laws against cities like Seattle, Portland and New York where anarchists, agitators and Democrats used the city streets to exercise their rights as citizens, as it has been said, is actually a left wing fascist conspiracy to overthrow the Republic.
We would be even more impressed with your conduct under fire in these troubled times that instead of threatening peaceful citizens with jail —Congress stipulates up to 20 years in Federal prison—if you paid attention to the seditious activities of a more serious threat to our democracy.
We are talking, sir, about our president.
Forget that notorious socialist, Sleepy Joe Biden and his radical leftist fascist anarchist agitators! POTUS has done more than Uncle Joe Stalin and his evil spawn, like the president’s best friend, Vlad the Poisoner, to undermine the American way of democratic government.
He has turned the greatest democracy ever invented, a first world nation that had been the envy of other democracies, into one of those Third World shithole countries, as he calls them, which hold so-called “elections.”
He has done our country a monstrous disservice by questioning the integrity of our electoral process, calling our coming election dishonest, a fraud, a scam, rigged and invalid—even before ballots are cast. He has redefined the meaning of an “honest election.” If he isn’t winning, as the polls suggest, ipso facto it means it is dishonest. A priori, he is turning us into Belarus.
We of the Justaminutemen tell you, sir, we are no Belarus!
Your esteemed colleague Donald is refusing to commit to a peaceful transfer of power after the election, something that has worked for us since the election of 1789.
He is urging his volunteer poll watchers to go to the polls on Election Day with their AK-47’s locked and loaded to see if there is any funny business going on.
With the world’s greatest intelligence agencies, we don’t have to tell you what is going on. It’s all part of a QAnon plot to end democracy as we know it, “QAnon,” for all we know, being the code word for “the base.”
The plot sickens every day, as the president is flying around the country like a chicken with its head cut off in the family vehicle (Air Farce One), spreading the Covid virus to his base, the unmasked masses who are asses.
We are mentioning all of this now, sir, because as seen in the first TV debate POTUS is in the process of cracking up. The heckler –in- chief acted like an escaped maniac from a psychiatric institution who thinks he is Mussolini or Hitler refusing to follow the rules of a debate
He went berserk walking out of his “60 Minutes” with Lesley Stahl, something no president has done before.
And did you see him in the second debate this week with that shifty beady-eyed look of a rat seeking an exit strategy as he tried to sell his old lies about Covid? Somehow he manages to turn any question from the press, a tradition in any functioning democracy, into a third degree interrogation in a local police precinct back room
Just as your Donald’s fans at the rallies are suggesting that Joe Biden be locked up, along with Hillary, Obama and the entire radical leftist anarchist agitator Democrats, with all due respect sir, we are suggesting that the president be locked up during this critical last week of the campaign.
His Big October Surprise might be flying off in Air Farce One to some country without an extradition treaty with USA. It could even be China, where he has money stashed away in his First National People’s Republic bank account.
Anything is possible in the Last Hurrah of the comedy show starring Boss Donald as the Acting President, co-starring The Gang That Couldn’t Loot Straight.
There are those who say you remind them of Deputy Dawg and his loyalty to the Sheriff in this cartoon of an administration. But we of the Justaminutemen trust in your doing your duty as the best Attorney General we have.
The least you can do, sir, is take away the keys to the family vehicle (Air Farce One) until the election crisis is over.
Yours for more law and less disorder,
Marvin Kitman, JAG, JMM
October 25, 2020