Why It Won’t Happen

Stop the Witch-Hunt!

Listening to MSNBC, my favorite socialist cable news network, I keep hearing all these enthusiastic voices, like Nicole Wallace, Chris Hayes, Rachel, and their guest experts discussing The Impeachment, which as you know is “a scam, a hoax, the greatest witch hunt in American History.” They all give the impression that by the end of the next commercial break, it will be curtains for our reality TV president. Every new leaked closed-door hearing transcript is another banana peel on the plank President Plump will be walking because of this Ukrainian thing. .

Nobody likes to rain on a victory parade, but IMO it won’t happen. And here’s why:

1. Putin won’t allow it. After all the hard work by his tech people getting the Muscovite Candidate elected, it wouldn’t be fair for him not to be allowed to finish his allotted term, as per the Constitution.

Who better is able to fulfill Putin’s remaining foreign policy objectives, like readmission to the G-7 summit? Comrade Trump champions the Rooskies cause at every summit, no matter how much it makes him look like a Putin puppet.

What other American president would have been able to pull off that Kurdish thing? Only he could have told Erdogan on the phone call, look, it’s okay to bomb the Kurds, but not too hard. So what if the Kurds were the only members of the Coalition of the Willing willing to fight ISIS on the ground, 11,000 of them dying for the president’s USA.

And wasn’t it great the way Moscow’s guy in the White House said he was ending our Endless Iraq War by bringing our troops home, when actually they were only shuffled off down the road a piece to Iraq?

That was a four shot glasses of vodka in diplomatic moves by Agent Orange, as the president is said to be listed in the old secret KGB pay book. It opened the door for the Russian military to become a dominant player in the Middle East, something the commissars have been trying to do since Stalin’s day.

And let’s not forget the way Secretary of State Giuliani has been working like a dissident in a Siberian salt mine trying to pin the meddling in the 2016 election on the Ukrainians.

2. Moscow Mitch won’t allow it. The Senate Republican majority leader told us he didn’t like that nickname. So in deference, I will say Saint Petersburg Mitch pledged, even before the evidence dump in the House that as chairman of the Senate committee in charge of impeachments it will not come to the floor.

It’s not Volgograd Mitch’s job to allow impeachments. His job is to pass tax cuts for the rich, the major achievement of Nizhny Novgorod Mitch’s “Do Nothing Congress.”

Even as the evidence mounts daily, Rostov-on-Don Mitch stands firm on his tabling of any House Articles of Impeachment bill.

You should know, Stalingrad Mitch is one of the greatest tablers in the history of the Senate. He is currently tabling 125 bills marked up by his Senate colleagues of either party, ready for debate. He says there is no point in bringing anything to the Executive Office, unless President Orange will sign them.

But the First Florida Robber Baron president has been busy the last three years, first with that Mueller hoax and now telling people to “READ THE TRANSCRIPT” on this Ukrainian thing, something he obviously hasn’t had time to do because it makes him seem guilty as hell.

The president’s handlers in the Politburo don’t mind if Leningrad Mitch tables the Impeachment, or chairs it, or floors or walls it, as long as their man in the Oval Office can continue to Make Russia Great Again.

3. The 20 Republican senators won’t allow it. True, it only takes 20 Republican votes to make the 67 needed to impeach. But that’s 20 too many for the grand old party that has become a communist-front organization

These are the same Stakhanovites who for three years have been hiding under their desks while the president has merrily destroyed democracy, as we know it. Swearing to obey and support the Constitution and the Rule of Law has withered away, as the apparatchiks in the Senate supported the president’s taking Putin’s word on nyet collusion, throwing our intelligence agencies under the bus, dismantling the alliances that have worked for 70 years in keeping the peace. Nothing was worse than a snarky nickname on Twitter.

The brave among the cowards, in fairness, played the game of You First: sure, you would speak up in protest, if only you go first.

Anyone counting on The Twenty to break ranks to allow “The Greatest Impeachment Witch Hunt in American history” being resolved has a better chance of getting their wish fulfilled by telling Santa what they want for Christmas.

In the unlikely even that I am wrong, for a change, about any of this, I will go further out on the limb and predict the best president we have will not accept the election results He will claim fraud. Crooked Hillary rigged the vote.

It’s all fake news. And the base will support him.

They will have to carry the Impeached One out of the Oval Office bodily. No reason why he can’t continue to govern by Twitter from the South Lawn, with Fox News reporting all the latest.

NEXT: The Making of a War Hero


Marvin Kitman,
Nov. 6, 2019

Marvin Kitman is the author of “The Making of the Preƒident 1789.” “George Washington’s Expense Account” by Gen. George Washington and Marvin Kitman PFC (Ret.) was the best-selling expense account in publishing history. His next book, “Gullible's Travels, A Comical History of the Trump Era,” coming from Seven Stories Press May 5, 2020, is now available for pre-order.